About Crawfish B. Crawfish


Crawfish Boudreaux Crawfish is a red-shelled American, born and raised in the bayou of Louisiana. Crawfish was a shy little crustacean from a young age. He still hasn’t come of his shell – literally, because that would kill him, being a crawfish and all. However, Crawfish eventually found his passion for change and the American people/creaturedom. He realized this passion when he crawled into a gas station in Shreveport and asked where he could find a good plate of flapjacks in the city. He was met with blank stares. Crawfish then realized that your Average Everyperson is hesitant – nay, terrified – to speak their mind.

Race, gender, religious and political beliefs, biological genus – these things should not divide us. They should ENCOURAGE us. To speak, to join, to hold hands/claws as one and intelligently debate, but never brawl. Years and years of bureaucratic spats have categorically divided our citizens into separate schools of thought, incapable of unity, but at the end of the day, We Are One – We Are All America. Crawfish believes that we can become one People again. #OneNationUnderClaws.


Crawfish is a brilliant mind and caring soul with a consistent public record of being a crawfish. Crawfish doesn’t have a fancy education. He doesn’t have any Rhodes scholarships or years in a fancy columned office with official portraits lining his walls. Crawfish believes, however, that this allows him to relate strongly to the average citizen (and the exceptional ones, too!). He strongly advocates the following stances:

  • Crawfish is not Bobby Jindal.
  • Crawfish believes that education is generally a pretty important thing.
  • Crawfish believes that ISIS is bad.
  • Crawfish has never missed an episode of Game of Thrones, but that doesn’t mean that Crawfish doesn’t believe in women’s rights!
  • Crawfish doesn’t really have an opinion on big banks, because it is just a humble ol’ crawfish and doesn’t feel comfortable stating an uneducated opinion.
  • Crawfish believes that introducing Texas Pete to Louisiana restaurants is a dangerous overreach of federal powers and a severe blow to the Louisianian economy, which thrives on Crystal.
  • Crawfish believes in rights for all races, because Crawfish is all of us.
  • And again, Crawfish is NOT Bobby Jindal, which really, is reason enough to support him.

Crawfish believes in being a strong voice of reason among all political parties, because Crawfish believes that identifying entirely with one party is just silly. We are one party – the Party of the American People.

In his spare time, Crawfish enjoys swimming, cooking (but not being cooked), going to the farmer’s market, a good match of water polo, morning yoga classes, and catching up on television. His favorite television shows are Parks and RecreationFirefly, and The Wire.